Questions by The Professor


Is this a place in which illness and death exist?

Illness is mandatory in all the characters. Health issues make the characters more dimensional, even if the problem is never spelt out. And yes – characters can die. The setting is the real world (but skewed). If no one can die, then nothing is at stake.

Applying this to Cadbury:

Cadbury would (I think) be unique if he was a cross dressing detective with three buttocks.  When the middle buttock senses something is untrue, it twitches – noticeably.  It’s not infallible however, and it makes it harder to apply toilet paper (or so I imagine). Cadbury has a portable version of an instrument called a health faucet (thanks Julz) for cleaning his ass (it also functions as a cane) – showing that every problem has a solution. Cadbury could be played by a 40-something Barry Humphries/Quentin Crisp type.


What is the first client meeting like?

When Cadbury first sits with a client, it is intense.  It’s different every time, but the common theme is that he cuts through the frivola to measure the steak content. Criteria for taking a case on include: client sex appeal, potential employability of client as a junior detective, suspected links to major crime syndicates (client or otherwise), and prospects for writing poetry based on the case. Cadbury is a poet and the only records he keeps are his poems.


What does Cadbury keep in his pant pockets?

Ham in sealed plastic, which can be used for a quick snack, or starting conversations. He keeps his keys in his left pocket, as well as two long pins whose purpose is to connect peddles to his peddle powered mini helicopter. (He has to reconnect the peddles to his transport before he can fly off to a case.) His right pocket contains his wallet, which has $50 in it, and a small flat magnifying glass.


Is there a problem with crime?

The Fiona gang has been gaining in notoriety, as more and more girls change their name to Fiona and commit crimes. Most are petty, such as spraying “Fiona” onto fences, streets, and the sleeping elderly. However the Fionas have risen in size, and become more womanly, taking on the older Emma gang which has led to handbag/machete fights throughout the city.


Does Cadbury have enemies?

Cadbury has reason to suspect that there is a Gerald or Trevor crime syndicate behind both the Fiona and Emma gangs, gaining an increased chokehold over the city. He wants to understand it fully so that he can write the ultimate poem.

Who works at reception?

Sherricka works behind the counter, and is the first face that clients see, if they can figure out how to open the door (there’s a weekly anagram that changes – you have to figure that out first to gain access).  She’s foul tempered and unwelcoming – she is a significant hurdle to get past. She also cleans the toilets – Cadbury is fussy about keeping himself clean, but the toilet itself is not something he feels responsible for.

What office related injuries could take place between reception and the main office?

The reception is littered with toys, it is like a playcenter. There is a risk of skidding on rollerskates, tripping over a doll, or knocking over dominos. These toys are for Sherricka’s two children, James and Henrietta. There are unanswered questions concerning the paternity of these children.

If Cadbury died, who would attend the funeral?

Cadbury predicts that all the criminals he has made an impression on will turn up to his funeral; he should therefore fake his own death and study the results. When everyone is assembled, he would organise for an associate to flick a switch and lock everyone inside the gin shop where the service was being held. He would then personally interrogate everyone as to their reason for participating. Torture may be required in some cases.


Does Cadbury advertise his services? Where?

Cadbury has a column in Poetry Pantry, a magazine which he contributes poems based on his experiences as a detective. He includes contact details as well as the opportunity to be immortalised in a future column in the magazine. He believes that people who try to write poems have significant problems and probably need a detective in some capacity. This is generally true.


What is to stop the agency being burgled and its files raided?

Cadbury takes an open approach to sharing information – all his files are freely available for research purposes, and he encourages others to republish his poetry around the world. However to prevent himself from being stolen, Cadbury wears an anklet at night. If he is removed from the premises in his sleep, the anklet emits a skunk smell, discouraging thieves.


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