8: Some type of high-society circus clown

Selia hurried into the elevator and rushed to press the button for the 50th floor.

Selia: [Getting frustrated as the button wasn't activated] What is your malfunction, button?

Then realizing it was afterhours, Selia remembered she needed to swipe her security card to make the button work.

Selia: [As the button activated] Why, thanks muchly, button. So kind!

The door closed and the lifting machine began its work. Nothing like an evening ride into the floating bowels of a death spire…

Of course, just as it took off, a segment of Cadbury’s Tidbits came on the elevator adverscreen. Selia smiled as this one was her favorite.

Cadbury walks on-screen wearing a long black coat, and a pait of fine white pants. He was carrying his characteristic two canes, though not using them to walk.

Cadbury: [Pointing a cane at the screen]: Lost something?

Cadbury twirls his canes and looked pensively at the viewer, batting his eyelids without doing anything so feminine as batting his eyelids.

Cadbury: In this episode of Cadbury’s Tidbits we investigate… Finding Things.

More titillating cane whirling takes place, making the viewer unclear on whether Cadbury was a detective, or some type of high-society circus clown.

Cadbury: Well, finding specific things can be very difficult. Time consuming, cumbersome,  awkward… then when you find the thing you lost, you wonder why you bothered. It wasn’t that good, and you are exhausted. So, with Cadbury you go a different way…

Cadbury: Instead of finding the thing you lost, I replace you with a new person that is similar, perhaps even the same, but doesn’t have a missing item.

Cadbury places both canes in the vertical stand-up position, and looks at the screen.

Cadbury: Life is simple with Cadbury Fife.

The words “Come get some Cadbury” appeared briefly on the screen with the Cadbury’s Detective Agency logo (a blurred, screaming, monkey type animal) as Cadbury walks off screen.

Selia smiled. Somehow that disturbing man made her feel comfortable. This then made her feel somewhat unfortable for a moment, before the warmth reappeared but slightly diluted.

Soon enough she was stepping off the elevator on the 50th Floor.

Cadbury’s office was so high in the tower that 2 elevators trips were required to reach it. The difficulty of it seemed to make sense, even more so now that she had been there. The second elevator arrived and she hoped for another segment of Cadbury’s Tidbits but instead got the weather, a pop quiz on dentures, and a brief status update on the Politican’s Strike.

Stepping out of this final elevator, onto the 70th Floor, her trepidation grew. It was 2:51 AM. She waited outside the door of the agency until 2:57AM and then went to turn the handle, suddenly wondering if it would in fact open.

Oddly she hadn’t really considered the notion that Cadbury would not be here, even though it seemed unarguably the most likely outcome. She was reflecting with some annoyance on not have reflected upon this earlier as she turned the handle and was almost startled when it in fact clicked open effortlessly and allowed her to start opening the door. Then she took a moderately deep breath and pushed herself forward, into the room, and into the arms of the beast of surprise.

Once inside, she jumped in surprise.

Another thing she hadn’t considered was that Mr. Gullet would be working at 3AM.

Or that he was permanently chained to his desk. Or whatever it was that kept him there she clearly had not considered it. Yet, there he was, looking as decidedly grim as ever.

Gullet: Hello Madam. I take it you are here for your 3AM?

Selia: Erm… yes. 3AM.

It was 2:58AM.

Gullet: Good, let’s sync. It is 2:58. Got it?

Selia: Sure, yes. [Pause] 2 minutes.

Gullet was placing a bucket by Cadbury’s door but Selia waved him away.

Selia: It’s ok really. Legs are ok for 2 minutes.

Gullet: Indeed madam the legs are ok for 1 minute. They should be prepared though.

Gullet did a strange thing with his face that could be interpreted many ways. Selia tried very hard to not see it. She counted to 37, then looked very briefly at him. Gullet nodded. Selia breathed a slightly deeper breath, held, turned and pushed.

She gasped.

In the dim light of Cadbury’s office she saw a semi-naked figure engaged in some type of crazed dance routine.

This entry was posted in The Case Of The Missing Self and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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