15: Contemplating murder or suicide

Selia sat at her desk contemplating murder or suicide.

Always a close call, she concluded.

Her boss, Rafaella Ellison, Esq., had her preparing the usual idiotic set of mock agreements, statements and pronouncements in the case of The Government vs The People.


As she tapped away at this task, the usual hapless vestiges of purpose clinging to the rims of slime mold formed randomly on the edges of wafers of life drifting listlessly in the magnificent sludge pond of civilization, came by periodically.

Annabella: [Stopping dead in her tracks] My, your hair looks lovely today, Selia

Selia: Threat of extinction normally has that effect on it.

Annabella crinkled her nose and considered asking what that meant exactly, then decided that things would be better overall if she just assumed that she knew already.

Annabella: Yes, I know already – terrible, isn’t it! First the downfall of the political system, moth attacks, then this horrible monster discovery… what next!?

Selia: Some type of meteor, I would expect.

Annabella: And you’ve been having a horrible time too I hear, with Mark disappearing and all. Nothing turned up there, I guess?

Selia pondered this for a good few moments. Enough to make Annabella palpably uncomfortable, but not enough to break all communication protocols down into a simmering pile.

Selia: I will work out what happened.

Annabella: Good! And good, for being positive about it. Okay, well… back to the grind.

Selia turned back to The Grind, which coincidentally was her nickname for her computer.

She popped onto Grapevine, considered posting a snide commentary on Annette, however decided instead to just read a little.

Someone called PKZ had posted the latest in his/her endless sequence of what appeared to be diagnostic test results.

PKZ: [@Superpals By Mass] Throat tube inline. Acoustic vibration threshold limit exceeded. Test FAIL. Love you, pals.

Selia had no idea who PKZ was, or any memory of when or how they had become Entwined, however she found him somehow endearing in a death clinic sort of way.

Selia: [@PKZ/Superpals By Mass] Love YOU, pal.

Hmmm, well that was mildly arousing… maybe it would get her through the next hour or so whereupon she would need another boost of something nefarious.

Back to The Grind.

In the case of The Government vs The People we find that The People have failed to adequately substantiate their defense with respect to the matter of financial causation, given that experts disagree on the root causes of The Great Dislocation….

Hmmm, duller than expected. Need help. Wasn’t there a pill for this type of thing?

Selia: Isn’t there a pill for this type of thing?

Warren: [Walking by] Say what, now? [Stopping] My, your hair is looking fresh today, girl! Fresher than a cucumber salad!

Selia: Perhaps I shouldn’t cut it off?

Warren: Hell yes, you should!! That would be fresher than a raw cucumber!

Selia: Those things do not taste good.

Warren: Oh I know! [Walking away] But they’re fresh!

When Warren was drunk he got very gay. At least that’s what Selia heard from people that had seen him sober.

Back to The Grind.

The Government submits that it is proved in the case of The Treasury vs The People that The People indulged in a decades long binge of reckless overspending, underspending, negligent accounting, financial malfeasance and grossly misguided economic planning, that led directly to the The Great Dislocation and indirectly to…

Since Mark had gone, people had become even more annoying. How was that possible?

Maybe it wasn’t, she considered. Maybe instead the total amount of annoyance was in fact the same, and was merely transformed to fit changing circumstances… circumstances such as any steps taken to avoid the annoyance.

She found this scenario was not only elegant but supported by her quicksand based model of social relationships – the more you struggled, the deeper you got sucked in.

She wriggled in her seat.

Warren: [Coming back in the opposite direction] Stop that wriggling girl!

She glared at him. Naturally, he assumed his banter was engaging, but all she heard was a series of high-pitched squawks.

Warren: [As he disappeared walking away] Don’t get fresh with me with that fresh hair!

Back to The Grind.

The Government accuses The People of dereliction of numerous duties related to the Electoral Process, amongst them that The People did knowingly, through the submission of votes…

At that point Leeb-Du-Toit strutted by, moving at an even faster pace than usual. He was a short man, but walked with an excessively elongated gait, seemingly always trying to get ahead of himself, or get to the next refuelling station for whatever fuel he desperately needed.

As he strode by, one leg clipped something and he half-tripped, slid, spun… righted himself as though it was all deliberate, and then kept going.

Certainly, none of this was going according to plan.

Maybe the detective, Cadbury Fife, would help.

This entry was posted in The Case Of The Missing Self and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>