Author Archives: Cadbury Fife

15: Contemplating murder or suicide

Selia sat at her desk contemplating murder or suicide. Always a close call, she concluded. Her boss, Rafaella Ellison, Esq., had her preparing the usual idiotic set of mock agreements, statements and pronouncements in the case of The Government vs The … Continue reading

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14: The tragic outcome of our continued existence

Selia had taken to drinking heavily to prepare for work. Like work itself, it had become a ritual, a chore that she needed to executed in order to get through. Tonight, due to certain other responsibilities, such as detective’s appointments, … Continue reading

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13: The Moth Epidemic in the East

For a craven, stooping, middle-aged Detective’s Assistant Mr. Gullet was surprisingly technically adept. In fact, his home appeared to be a computer research laboratory. Spread across numerous desks were perhaps a dozen computers of different types and sizes, some in … Continue reading

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12: The warm heartless shoulders of the world

And Selia returned to the night. Spat out from the elevator system, rotating its vile cadvertisements, spat out from the lobby and its horribly sad security detail, spat out from the GloDom Tower into the night of a million darknesses. She felt … Continue reading

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11: People are toxic to the human condition

Cadbury sits on the private balcony of Cadbury’s Detective Agency, alone, staring at a massive sprawl of humanity spreading out into the night. Each shimmering light is both a glimmer of hope and a spore of a vast, deadly disease. Cadbury: People … Continue reading

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10: A silent killer with a feather duster

Mr. Gullet moved like a silent killer with a feather duster. Indeed, he was a killer of dust, sliding around the room getting into every corner… every nook, every foreboding cranny. The crannies were often the problem areas, both for … Continue reading

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9: The fascinating stupidity of humans

Cadbury Fife was partially disrobed, but also partially robed. Which is to say that, when worn without pants, the long coat he wore gave the appearance of a robe. He had been performing a rather delicate sliding dance move with two … Continue reading

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8: Some type of high-society circus clown

Selia hurried into the elevator and rushed to press the button for the 50th floor. Selia: [Getting frustrated as the button wasn't activated] What is your malfunction, button? Then realizing it was afterhours, Selia remembered she needed to swipe her security card … Continue reading

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7: Only Cadbury Fife can solve your case backwards

In the game of detective work, the skill was to solve the case using the minimum number of moves, and with the maximum amount of sex appeal. Cadbury: The mechanics of detecthievery. Anyone could solve the case, most likely, if they bothered … Continue reading

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6: All runners secretly feel like criminals

Through the night. Furiously cold, concerned about something she had forgotten, moving too quickly, wondering  if she had parked her car correctly, relatively sure that something unfortunate was about to start happening. Selia had never felt like a criminal before, yet … Continue reading

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